Dear Sarah,
Have you ever posted a blog that someone took offense to, even though you didn't post about them? This recently happened to me. I posted a blog that later had a friend angry at me for posting "about her" when it wasn't about her at all. In fact, I didn't even know she had the problem I posted about. I don't want to go too great into detail, but it really hurt that a friend would think I was passively talking about her.
-Bummed Blogger
Hello Bummed Blogger,
Let me start my answer with a quote: "You don't see things as they are, you see things as you are." - Anais Nin.
This quote has helped me so many times when working with people, and has often told me a lot about myself in return.
The fact is, Bummed Blogger, people who are insecure about things often see those things more , or assume that people see those things in them more. Since we all have things we are insecure about, it is bound to happen at some point.
To answer your question, yes, I've posted a blog and offended a friend accidentally. Two years ago I discovered a girl who was taking on a 365 day selfie challenge. She had a really hard time taking pictures of herself and it was her goal to see herself as beautiful. Turns out, during the 365 days, she started creating incredible art and took the project way past "loving how she looked".
At the time I read about this girl I had a few young women in my life that were just getting to that age where you start feeling embarrassed by looks. With so much pressure on young women to look a certain way, I wanted to start my own selfie project to redefine how women could see themselves.
The goal was not to put women down, but to lift them up. To show women you can be silly, dirty, crazy and still be a beautiful soul.
Shortly after I blogged about my project, and started posting pictures, a friend of mine reached out to me. She had been distant from day one of my project and finally got the nerve to ask me "Why did I think she was an exhibitionist."
I remember laughing and being shocked by the phone call.
You see my friend is a swimsuit model. Her job is to take catalogue pictures in swimsuits for companies. However, for many years she has struggled with the idea that she has to be pretty all the time. She feels like she always has to wear makeup, she couldn't imagine camping because she might get dirty, and all of her social media posts were half naked.
So even though I didn't say "girls who don't wear clothes are bad for other women" , her own insecurities came into play when she read my post.
Instead of realizing my post was about me, finding myself as a woman, exploring what "woman" means, she turned it into a post about bashing women that do post half naked photos. She was able to admit that she feels a pressure to look good all the time, and my post made her feel insecure about that. Speaking about it really helped.
I was glad we talked, and Bummed Blogger I suggest you speak to your friend that was offended. I bet if you explain that your post had nothing to do with them, they will realize they are projecting their own insecurities instead of reality.
You have to be true to you Bummed Blogger, but you also have to be honest. When I started my "uplift" women project I wasn't aiming to put anyone down or even criticize women, but to inspire them to be all that they could. If your post in anyway was bashing your friend, owning up to it will help you become a better friend and blogger. You should never use your site to put others down... which it sounds like you weren't.
Good Luck!
~Sarah
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